Phoenix flies solo for the first time in show history. He talks about a lot of random shit including seeing Doug Benson live and accidentally getting a contact high, he watched the 2008 Super Bowl and saw a Myspace ad and thinks the zombie apocalypse happened on Myspace, how the Boston Celtics have the only mascot in history that is smoking, officially being too old for amusement park rides due to the pain afterward and he kills the Laws Of Life segment officially and proceeds to introduce his TINM! movie review segment.
37: "Some Of Me Is Gay."
Mario is back to discuss our most random topics yet.
Phoenix and Bri saw Pete Holmes.
The inventor of Operation is a 77 year old that can’t afford a dental operation.
Tennessee man tries to convince a cop he’s Denzel Washington. It doesn’t work.
Phoenix attempts to give the state of Tennessee a compliment but only after sifting through a story about a shit covered bathroom.
Brent learns how ears work when he removes his headphones and expects to not hear us spoil a movie.
We talk about identity theft and how it’s a minor inconvenience until suddenly it’s the worst thing ever.
Phoenix met rap super-group MMK (Money Makin’ Krew) and they insisted they would be famous soon. For real. But they might also change their name to MMKK (Money Makin’ Krew Kids). For real.
Iraqi man is building an exact replica of The White House. For…something.
A push to get non-US citizens to be sent to the US to get their ebola treated.
A two person laws of life where Phoenix and Joe complain about cowboys.
Phoenix tells a story about how terrible of a babysitter he was at 15.
We have a serious debate about giving attitude to cops even when they are wrong.
36: "Off The H**k!"
In this episode we talk about:
Suge Night being shot.
Baltimore assault caught on camera.
Toledo Woods claims daughters Barbie says ‘fuck’ but it really says "hook." Hence the title of the episode.
Man wanted for armed bank robbery arrested at ultimate frisbee tournament.
Melvin Hunt a teacher cut off woman’s hair during a hug.
We tackle more of the 800 random questions.
Laws Of Life - Naps.
35: "Golfing Is The Least Important Part Of Golfing."
In this episode we talk about:
Doug / Arthur
News - weasel shit in beer
Balls on pizza
Drake quotes
Pope car stolen to move coke and pot
Golf clap
Laws Of Life - found footage movies
34: "Mario's Foreskin Adventure."
In this episode we talked about:
First up is Laws Of Life about 'manly' shit. The manly man culture about beards and bacon.
We talk about the fashionability of 'jorts', men with earrings and cargo shorts.
The Chick-fil-a founder died.
Philadelphia is the next place to legalize marijuana. This leads to a discussion about if we smoke the drugs or not. We do not. Then we talk about Mexican foods for a while for some reason.
Mario got an adult circumcision. We are all amazed.
Jack The Ripper's identity has been revealed. Nobody gives a shit.
More 800 questions.
We all reveal the backstories on our names.
We finish with sex. Just like every date Brent has ever been on. Actually we mostly talk about masturbation. Just like every date Brent has actually even been on.
33: "He's On The H Train To The Studio."
In this episode we talk about:
What animals would/wouldn't we eat, given the chance. Would we eat a person-burger?
We recorded while Arizona was in a state of emergency due to record setting amounts of rain. The studio was flooded. It wasn't fun.
News: Ray Rice fired by the Ravens for that whole argument he settled with his fist. Phoenix predicts that Rice will end up with either the Bengals or Raiders because that's where criminals go.
Airline doesn't allow a 600 pound woman to fly to her doctor which leads to her death. Her husband sues the airline for $6M. Joe legit falls asleep during the story. Then we talk about Tracy Morgan suing Walmart for probably half a billion monies.
ISIS issues isolated misused association of asinine assembled assassins. I don't know. ISIS is apparently a real thing, not just the company that Sterling Archer works for. We debate who is selling them guns. We aren't very political but pretend to be.
Roller coaster at Six Flags catches on fire. Allegedly.
Morgan Freeman lands plane after multiple malfunctions. Sounds epic right? But in reality he fucked up and then fixed it. So basically he saved his own ass.
Panera Bread asks politely for customers to not bring guns in their restaurants. Then we talk about the whole girl shooting a man in the face with an uzi.
Laws Of Life is about how boring and played-out exorcism scenes are in movies. No more of them.
32: "The Lost "Lost" Episode."
In this episode we discuss:
How Pollux the studio dog only moves around the second we start recording.
News: no news.
Joe wants to talk about wrestling and surprisingly everyone else does too. Except Phoenix because he hasn't watched it since 1992.
Does every one have a price tag?
Brent catches Pollux in full Australian character.
Versus: brutally murdering someone versus choosing how they murder you.
Laws Of Life is about the creepy Little League World Series.
We discuss Dutch Bros. Coffee and how sexy their staff can be. Joe and Michael interview for Phoenix and only one man gets hired.
Judge Phoenix holds court to settle whether Michael should be allowed to kill random people.
What would we do for the purge?
Ends with gross mouth noises.
31: "No Johnny Homelessmens!"
In this news-less episode we talk about:
Robin Williams' passing.
the bible being written by drunks and drug addicts.
Passion Of The Christ being a snuff film.
the Ferguson riots.
people trying to reenact The Purge in our city. Which is Phoenix. The city of Phoenix.
Bri watches 2 Girls 1 Cup during the episode.
the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge.
Versus: sweat pudding or eat a bowl of pudding made of sweat.
Laws Of Life: new and improved.
30: "It's Like A Condom For My Hand!"
News crew attacked by ghosts. Joe believes in ghosts. Phoenix changes his Laws Of Life to ghosts to attack Joe.
We then talk bout aliens and ghosts and how the future will go.
Phoenix talks Joe into pulling his Alf dick out and Bri freaks out because she thinks he really is going to.
Swedish woman finds Ikea bag filled with human bones in a church.
Japanese dog greets customers better than American Walmart employees.
MMA fighter kills 2 home invaders like a champ.
Vat of eggnog explodes on people and Brent thinks they store it scalding hot.
2 teens break into a house to make drug brownies. Found with 2 pounds of ‘unspecified drugs’ on them.
Brent performs slam-poetry about condoms while Phoenix performs a terrible beat for him.
More 800 random questions which leads to a long debate about what decade had the best music.
29: "We Are Technically Less Than Public Access."
In this episode, Phoenix and Bri aren't the only ones drinking as the studio moved and therefore everyone had something to drink by the time we hit record. We discussed:
Which porn site do you frequent?
Woman steals snake from pet store, crashes into fire station.
Hackers can reroute planes using their WiFi system.
Guy kicks squirrel off Grand Canyon but probably not.
Joe didn’t understand death until well after 7 years old. He’s probably a serial killer.
Guy raised 55K on Kickstarter for his plight of making potato salad.
If you could blow yourself would you?
Laws Of Life - Thinking is cheating.
28: "Here's A Towel, Get Out..."
In this episode, Phoenix and Rio talk about how nobody else showed up to record and talk about nonsense before getting to:
Laws Of Life starts off the show for the first time ever and it's about Every Move You Make by The Police.
Second male orgasms.
Female teacher turns herself in for having sex with a student which turns into a discussion about the double standard between men and women and censoring yourself around kids.
Connecticut man that was missing for 6 years was found wandering Long Island.
Something about a virus hitting 'the Americas' but all Phoenix really heard was the phrase 'the Americas.' It confused him because it isn't the year 1140.
27: "The Porno Is Called: Take That!"
In this episode Phoenix and Rio discuss:
Comedy movies and tv shows.
Bolivia lowers legal working age to 10.
Texas funeral home kept 8 bodies for no reason.
The Vermont Novelty Toster Corporation makes selfie toasters.
Gentile giant dies after NYC cops put him in chokehold.
Florida dad beats a man that is abusing his child.
Laws Of Life this week is about face tattoos.
26: “More Orgies Per Mile Than Any Other Car”
102 year old Boston woman faces murder charges against a 101 year old roommate.
Electronic Daisy Carnival is apparently a great place to overdose.
Padres reliever wears a giant padded hat.
Florida law allows people to do a warning shot during arguments.
More 800 random internet rape questions.
VS. - super intelligent pet VS. super intelligent kid.
VS. - hand to hand combat expert VS. gun expert
VS. - man VS. machine, what side would you rather be on?
Laws Of Life - advertising lingo.
25: "Incredible Negative Men! Assemble!"
In this episode we cover:
More 800 questions.
Man smuggles gun into florida prison to shoot themselves to sue the prison.
Star Trek show in talks for Netflix.
Philadelphia man asks women to put swiss cheese on his penis.
Cop slits dog’s throat after dog was already in custody.
Vs. - physical abuse Vs. mental abuse.
Vs. - victory dance Vs. victory taunt.
Laws Of Life - dressing animals.
24: "Do You Have Any White Blood Cells I Can Borrow?"
In this "sleepisode" Mario asks the hard questions to Phoenix, Michael and Tressa. They mysteriously vanished last week and sent some weird foreigners in their place which raises too many questions for Mario and Kyle. The trio doesn't understand why Mario needs to know. They have nothing to hide so quit asking.
As far as the topics we discussed in this episode: we all sang a lullabies because the trio finally got to the studio around 2 am and Mario and Kyle were tired. Mario presses further into why the trio was gone. Versus this week is Aladdin Vs. Lay's potato chips, Kool-Ade vs. an army of squirrels, 1980's Batman vs. Dominoes dessert pizza and cassette tapes versus tasers...Michael honestly was losing it for his versus segment. Let's not get into the reasons why.
Laws Of Life this week is about Michael's huge mitts. Seriously, his hands are huge when inside a person. Oh, don't ask about that either.
23: "Your Accent Is Infectious. I Keep Wanting To Do It."
In this episode some foreigners fill in for the group. We welcome Vladamir Arganov (Russia/Germany), Roy McEllroy (Scottland) and Ashleighlynn Jackson (just southern) to the show in place of Phoenix, Michael and Tressa. Mario and Kyle do their best to keep the show on tracks as normal but it proves to be a true American challenge. They discuss a cyclist being mowed down by a car, Vladamir reveals that in Russia it is 2086 or 2285, Vlad also breaks down how Russia couldn't possibly have won WW2 if they lost 40 million men, Ashleighlynn describes her simple country life which mostly revolves around pageantry, more 800 random questions. Versus segment this week is brought to you by Roy McEllroy at the behest of Michael and is about whether we would keep our current accents or switch it out for another. Another versus is would we rather live where we were raised or someone else (like Scotland). Laws Of Life this week is about the Russian turnip shortage.
22: “More People Than Ever Are Trying To Be White”
In this episode we welcome Kyle and Tressa into the fold to discuss the news, such as; a Colorado company selling marijuana with names that are suspiciously close to Hershey's candy bars, a man is caught masturbating in a library while holding a cucumber...twice, an Oregon man's life work is fulfilled because he now officially lives in a jet plane in the woods and a Florida man pretending to be a police officer pulls over a real police officer. Seriously, Florida...quit it. Just stop existing already.
In other events, Kyle and Michael were supposed to watch Edge Of Tomorrow together but Kyle watched it without Michael already. Phoenix immediately holds a faux courtroom debate to get to the bottom of it. Then we all do a round from the 800 random questions. We answer one random question for 13 glorious, hilarious minutes. We had too much fun recording this one. Michael's versus segment consists of vacation versus staycation for the Arizona summer. Laws Of Life this week is on "manly" drinkers and how they bully people into drinking liquor straight.
21: "Was Snoop Dogg Over?"
In this episode we met at 10 pm for the first of a four episode recording marathon. Guest stars are coming. News involves a woman that is hospitalized for using balloons in a sexual manner, a Harvard book that is discovered to be bound in human skin and an obese man hides 40 bags of heroin in his belly button. Then we discuss fetishes and why Phoenix is sick of them.
We also answer more of the 800 random questions. Michael's versus segment is about the Phoenix Comicon (this will air several weeks after): meeting old school comicon celebrities versus new school guys and dressing up versus not dressing up.
Laws Of Life is about how comedians shouldn't take pride in ruining their show and name for the sake of the 'joke' of bombing. Basically they shouldn't attack the audience because they are going through something personal.
20: "Porn Is The Only Time You Can Say Ebony"
In this incredibly negative and male-centered episode we mostly discuss going through puberty as a male, how much we hated middle school and when we learned to masturbate. Sounds rough but you know we don't take it seriously. Also, news this week involved a Walmart employee being stabbed by a customer, a Florida man was arrested for selling drugs on Facebook, we follow up on the girl that tried to auction off her virginity and a Pennsylvania 7 year old brings his grandma's heroin to class. Then we tackle more of the 800 random questions and it gets gross. Gross and hilarious.
19: "Dildos...Lube…Where Are Your Pop-Rocks?"
In this episode we learn the true meaning of family because the first news story involves a mother killing and grilling her daughter, then we discuss the British water source being polluted by a large amount of cocaine, an Iowa distillery raising pigs to taste like whiskey, a woman that put pop rocks inside her south mouth, how 99.3% of women in Egypt have been socially molested, and Jay Z's hate in an elevator. We also answer more of the 800 random questions. Laws Of Life this week is about people complaining about the gender gap. Phoenix reveals there is only one gender gap he cares about.