This is the angriest episode of The Phoenix West Show! to date. It starts off with such joy too because Phoenix is 2 1/2 hours away from finally owning Fallout 4. He talks about his disgust with breaking down to buy an X-Box One, his anger all systems only come with one controller nowadays, he bought a Ghostbusters Ecto-1A plastic model set that intimidates him to no end and probably won't ever be finished, how him and Bri spent an hour and a half watching videos of people falling down and hurting themselves, how he really hopes a man that repeatedly head butted his car window is dead, he goes to great lengths to describe how he hopes they all died, then he talks about how much he hates the woman that recorded her own drunk driving on Periscope before going into how much he hates everyone at concerts that hold their phones over their heads to record videos they won't watch of a concert they already missed despite being there. People suck.
56: "I'm 31 And I Still Have A Fascination For Balloons."
In this episode, Phoenix explains the sound at the beginning of the show's theme song, the awkwardness of going to a Halloween party at a random church, the worst conversation in the world is when you tell someone you're a comedian and they ask you to tell them a joke, his Halloween costume, drinking beer while walking around during actual Halloween, and a quick LASIK update.
55: "Randy Quaid Is A Mythical Creature Now."
In this episode, Phoenix talks about his experience with an Arizona pumpkin patch, the differences between city pumpkin patches and the one he grew up with, how he believed Randy Quaid was hiding out on that particular pumpkin patch, how he might suck a dick or two if they dispense pumpkin spice lattes. He also does an update on his Lasik before talking about Back To The Future II day. He framed the newspaper. It's sad, really.
54: "Your Eyes Are Ruined..."
Phoenix got LASIK this week and was bombarded with quotations about it. Instead of just reading you information and actual facts on the subject, he decided to just share his experience with the ENTIRE process. Lasers are assholes and shouldn't be feared. Secretaries are bitches. The title of this episode isn't serious so don't think it's a reflection of anything that actually happened. If you have any questions for Phoenix, send them to loiteringinwonderland@gmail.com
53: "This Ice Cream Is Too Frozen. Africa Sucks!"
In this episode, Phoenix discusses his recent trip to Out Of Africa, a zoo north of the city of Phoenix. He saw lions and tigers and bears...no. Not doing it. He did a zipline ride and fucked it up pretty badly. He also saw a show where the performers pretended to be attacked by tigers. They were real dicks. All of it worked because Phoenix kept forgetting that he wasn't really in Africa.
52: "Homelessmen Are Vegas On Legs."
In this episode, Phoenix explains all the shows that are coming to LIW studios. (See below for details) Then he finishes the episode with explaining how the trip to Vegas went over the weekend. His hatred for Siri in the city, his confusion with mixing burlesque and zombies, his hatred for parking garages, his confusion for directions with the lack of signs in the hotel/casino/malls, his hatred for screaming theater during Evil Dead: The Musical 4D Experience, his confusion for the proper pronunciation of the word Adidas, his hatred for homeless men vomiting on the sidewalk in broad daylight. It was a glorious mess all around.
51: "I'm Waiting For The Kim Davis Playboy Issue."
In this episode, Phoenix tells Brent about how Bri's daughter broke her arm the previous day. Which leads to their discussion on childhood injuries. Then they discuss how people make a ton of money on YouTube by simply opening toy boxes and describing them to people. It's bullshit. Phoenix announces he finally took the plastic wrapping off of his iMac after 2 years. He's that way about things. Then they discuss at length their issues with the show Gotham. News is: the man that bought the AIDS drug and hiked up the price, an invisibility cloak is now 'possibly', we are being told they caught the I-10 shooter but we are skeptical, finally, a kid brought a clock to school that looked exactly like a bomb. Racist or not...it looked like a fucking bomb.
50: "Arnold Schwarzenegger, The McRib, Eminem and Phoenix West Are Back!"
We're back! After a month off, writing his book, Phoenix West is back. He has to announce it just like Arnold, the McRib and Eminem do every single time they walk back into your lives. In this episode Phoenix discusses, washing his dogs, showing up to the first day of first grade without a child, his day vacation to Jerome AZ with Bri, buying a new Apple TV and having to overcome his lack of knowledge (Google is the great equalizer), and finally, a list some of the movies he's watched since last episode.
48: "AIDS On Legs." (Cameron Readey 1)
In this episode we welcome guest Cameron Readey, a comic from New Hampshire. Also in studio is Brent Puccio, the return of "heroin" Joe Ramirez and Nicholas Hunt. We discuss:
Brent and Phoenix returned to stand-up and talked about the experience.
Phoenix watched the Scream TV show and thought it was terrible.
Originals and remakes in theaters.
It Follows.
Suicide Squad. Phoenix suggest Joe be the next Joker as Joe Kerr.
We Skype call Cameron Readey and are terrible at introducing him. It was our first time group Skyping.
News: Bill Cosby's wife is sticking by her man. Phoenix says the only proof he needs of Michael Jackson's guilt is the current state of Macaulay Culkin.
Chefs in Seattle bake marijuana into your meals.
Phoenix wants to make a meth calendar to put in your children's room to scare your kids away from drugs. He also wants to make the LIW tastefully nude calendar.
Man in Canada pulls an Up by attaching 101 balloons to his chair to fly away.
Man builds drone that can fire a handgun and the government is mad about it. Phoenix misses movies where a man sits in a white van and feeds intel to the man inside.
Woman in Chandler AZ arrested naked by cop that came into her house.
Four types of drunk people according to survey. We all decide which we are.
Robin William's birthday is today. Brent thought this was news and not just a depressing topic.
Easter Island statues have bodies below the heads. Brent thinks Easter Island and Stonehenge are the same thing. We are confused.
47: "Spermatologist."
In this episode we discuss:
Facials,
Nic Cage movies in Red Box,
MB calls Brent Paulie for the whole episode,
Phoenix hates that we still use analog clocks,
Paris Hilton plane crash prank,
Phoenix is amazed how much money is in the world of hotels,
Saw blade slices JMC car in half,
MB struggles with Red Box versus Netflix,
3D Printers,
Phoenix thinks Kirsten Stewart would be disinterested during sex,
We watch the What We Do In The Shadows trailer
www.bigpinecomedyfestival.com
64: "I Saw Top Gun. I Might Be Gay." Part 2 of 2
Welcome to part 2 of a long episode. We are joined by comic MB to discuss:
Phoenix made his top 100 movie list,
Phoenix declares that Indie bands are named after rom-com movie titles too often,
Our mutual love for Paul Thomas Anderson,
Phoenix and Bri recommend Orange Is The New Black to Miguel but warn that it makes prison seem like an awesome summer camp,
Female orgasms real/fake, pubes vs. no pubes,
Phoenix calls bullshit on the iPhone's Connect Four app,
Movies. We talk about a bunch of movies,
Blue Is The Warmest Color discussion,
Bri lost a skirt in an arm wrestling competition in a dive bar,
MB found a student's drawing reenacting sad sex,
NEWS is the following:
CNN reporter mistakes dildo covered flag for the ISIS flag,
Man at Walmart wants a confederate flag cake made but instead they make him an ISIS flag cake,
Japanese have a sexy gorilla as an exhibit which leads Phoenix to pick apart Japanese culture,
Glow in the dark condoms and fingernail polish drug testers,
Two people had sex on the Cannes red carpet,
www.bigpinecomedyfestival.com
(Update 11.9.16 - changed the episode number from 46 to 64 because the 2 part episode confused the holy hell out of me and threw off all of my show numbers by 1 so it has been re-numbered.)
46: "I Saw Top Gun. I Might Be Gay." Part 1 of 2
In this long episode we are joined by comic MB to discuss:
Phoenix made his top 100 movie list,
Phoenix declares that Indie bands are named after rom-com movie titles too often,
Our mutual love for Paul Thomas Anderson,
Phoenix and Bri recommend Orange Is The New Black to MB but warn that it makes prison seem like an awesome summer camp,
Female orgasms real/fake, pubes vs. no pubes,
Phoenix calls bullshit on the iPhone's Connect Four app,
Movies. We talk about a bunch of movies,
Blue Is The Warmest Color discussion,
Bri lost a skirt in an arm wrestling competition in a dive bar,
MB found a student's drawing reenacting sad sex,
NEWS is the following:
CNN reporter mistakes dildo covered flag for the ISIS flag,
Man at Walmart wants a confederate flag cake made but instead they make him an ISIS flag cake,
Japanese have a sexy gorilla as an exhibit which leads Phoenix to pick apart Japanese culture,
Glow in the dark condoms and fingernail polish drug testers,
Two people had sex on the Cannes red carpet,
www.bigpinecomedyfestival.com
45: "Do Not Equate Marijuana With Gay Marriage."
In this episode, Phoenix flies solo and discusses his 30th birthday versus his 31st birthday and his declining lust for life, the Chicago Blackhawks winning the Stanley Cup and how much swag he should purchase, he takes listener Q+A and then he gets a little preachy during an important segment about the legalization on gay marriage. He also states that camouflage and the confederate flag are the opposite of the gay pride flag. He finishes by being pissed off because people keep equating marriage equality with legalizing marijuana. Don't be stupid.
44: "I Live A Very Lubeless Life."
In this episode we discuss the happenings of the past week or so. Including Jurassic World, Insidious 3, Phoenix explains the TINM! to TPWS! change and making the show logo, snapchat Phoenix and their weird standards, Bruce Jenner and which prison he/she should go to if shit goes wrong, the triple crown horse and how nobody apparently cares about horses, The Simpsons getting desperate for viewers, the Discover IT cards and how they feed on the egotistical nature of everyone, the Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup and nobody cares except Phoenix. We also heavily discuss buying bulk lube for some reason.
43: "The Bukake Numbers Are Pretty Good Here..."
In this episode we continue with our static theme throughout the episode which again, I cannot apologize enough for. Just power through because this is the last episode with it. We finally get back to news on this one. We also had the lights off for most of the episode so it was all dark and sexy in the studio. Someone was molested and someone else got pregnant and no, it wasn't Bri. Listen to find out who! It's a real rape-mystery in this episode!
42: "Celebrity Death Pool"
We are finally back with our new microphones which would normally be cause for celebration but something fucked up, resulting in a static noise for 2 straight episodes. Do your best to power through and I promise the issue will be resolved by episode 44. We switched from USB to analog microphones and apparently weren't ready for that sort of pressure.
In this episode we talk about what we did in our long layoff and choose celebrities that we feel will die in 2015. It's a major bummer.
41: "Dear, Number One Fan..."
For the fourth time, Phoenix flies solo and as his name suggests, he crashes and burns. But alas, he is reborn all in the same episode. He talks about people that bitch about athlete salaries, Netflix and its confusing specific genre titles, reveals he recently watched Sons Of Anarchy and Peaky Blinders, talks about Christmas and Christmas movies, boring New Years in your 30's, reads a note he wrote on Facebook to his number 1 fan and ends it all with a review of Stretch, Annabelle and The House Of Last Things. Fuck those last 2 movies. Seriously.
40: "There's No Redemption Tale Here."
Phoenix flies solo for the third time. He talks about seeing UFC in Phoenix, going to Phoenix Comicon Fan Fest, his amazement at playing video games on his cell phone on a PS4, buying his first adult pair of sweatpants, a Walking Dead spinoff and The Interview being pulled from theaters and his conspiracy theories that go nowhere.
39: "The 100th Episode From The LIW Network."
Phoenix flies solo for the second time in show history. This is the 100th episode of the LIW network and it's a special one. By that we mean Phoenix rambles on about Thanksgiving, Ferguson, Black Friday, IPA beers, Star Wars trailer, Jurassic World trailer, The Hobbit 3 trailer and some other shit as well.
38: "The Incredible Negative Man!"
Phoenix flies solo for the first time in show history. He talks about a lot of random shit including seeing Doug Benson live and accidentally getting a contact high, he watched the 2008 Super Bowl and saw a Myspace ad and thinks the zombie apocalypse happened on Myspace, how the Boston Celtics have the only mascot in history that is smoking, officially being too old for amusement park rides due to the pain afterward and he kills the Laws Of Life segment officially and proceeds to introduce his TINM! movie review segment.