Want to walk down the streets with a megaphone screaming, "Hey, everybody! I'm a huge asshole!" but also feel like spending a ton of money? Why not pour all of your paychecks into turning your car into a mobile ear-drum rapist? Violate the citizens in style!
25. You! Here Or There In Any Weather Then
Grammar be hard. So hard, yo. And weather nor not your a geneyus or not it is hard to remember witch words two use when righting a post online. This simple and ez to rmbr video will help u to keep them strait. Get out a pen and paper and keep notes. Srsly.
24. Lipstick
Quick! I need to look like an untouchable painting! What do I do? Well, have I got an idea for you. Here, smear this red wax all over your lips so nobody wants to touch you. But don't stop there. Also put on this blue cream around your eyes so people are confused what planet you came from. Just keep going until you're more make-up than person. Enjoy your solitude.
23. Popcorn
What's your favorite treat that comes with a hearty cock center? Why it's popcorn of course! Hate your teeth? Hate flavor? Hate your health? Try popcorn! Now available in a handful of terrible flavors!
22. Graveyards
I don't have a big enough ego to need to be have a small, underground, studio apartment when I'm dead. Just burn my body to ashes like an old, embarrasing Polariod from college. Or not. Just let me rot where I fall. It doesn't matter. I'm dead. So you're probably too busy celebrating to get any body removing done.
21. Nonsense Movie Labels
Want to know what to feel during a movie trailer but can't rely on silly things like the visuals and audio in the trailer? How about if some scary or soothing voiced man tells you EXACTLY what you should be feeling via use of Hollywood buzz words? Get off your tractor and watch their movie already!
20. Movie Trailers
In a world where things only happen to beautiful people and ugly villains, a 30-ish male, model is forced to face a dangerous and secret organization. With the help of his distractingly hot female co-star, can they overcome the bad guy/girl/organization in a short amount of time which can be stretched or condensed depending on what the film needs the time to be? Since it's a movie, they almost certainly can and will. I guess you don't need to watch this movie anymore. Sorry for wasting your time...
19. Ocean Based Movies
The ocean is a big, wet bitch and should be avoided regardless of shark quantity. The ocean is a great way to find a surprise syringe in your child's foot. The ocean makes a terrible setting for films.
18. Fast Food (Rapes America)
This is a very sexual take on fast food. Or is it? I don't know. I guess that depends on your definition of sexy you disgusting, garbage human, you. Regardless, it's the first of many poems on this show.
17. Face Tattoos
Face tattoos are the most effecient way to let everyone else know you're probably not a reliable human being and to just look elsewhere when handing out opportunities. So actually, thank you face-tattooed people for saving us all time and energy.
16. Guys With Long Hair
Well we're in full man-bun mode lately so this felt like perfect timing to release this episode about guys with long hair. Actually it was just the next chapter of the book so deal with it. This episode gives you strict guidelines of when it's okay to be a guy with long hair. Obey all commands within this episode.
15. Bicycles
I envision a bike-free future. A world where the cycles of bi are a thing of the past. A world where our children are free to walk along the sidewalk without fear of hearing someone scream "on your left" as they blow by, grazing their arms and leaving them with a graphic shot of their assholes as they speed off. A world where our drunk drivers fear not of hitting a guy on a bicycle that is riding on the road, obeying none of the traffic laws. A world without Lance Armstrong and all the bullshit baggage that's attached to that sack of shit.
14. Dance Movies
Why is dancing in movies the ONE time the ghetto has unusually high standards? It doesn't make sense. Oh, and also, dancing isn't a job. Nor is it a sport. It's just a thing that's sometimes fun that you can do to pass the time. And sure as shit don't do it on the goddamn sidewalk. It's called a sideWALK not a sideDANCE.
13. 'New And Improved'
Pick one, you dicks. It can't be both.
12. Full-Body Painting
Well it's football season. Or it was. Or it will be. Either way, time for the NFC North fans to paint their guts and start screaming for their terrible teams. This is coming from a Vikings fan, mind you. Do. Not. Paint. Your. Full. Body. For. Football. Or. Any. Other. Reason. Other. Than. To. Trick. Zombies. Into. Thinking. You're. Also. A. Zombie.
11. Cowboy Hats
Fuck cowboy hats. And boots. And music. And life. End it. Or not. I guess it's really not that big of a deal.
10. Casinos
Want to throw your money in the garbage but want to add some flair to it? Then a casino is for you. Go ahead, waste your hard-earned money on that shit.
9. Anime
Anime is boring. Anime is boring. Anime is boring. Except most of Death Note. Other than that, anime is boring. Anime is boring. Anime is colorful flashing boring.
8. Sports Bars
Can't play sports but desperately want to watch sports while drinking away your life remember when you could play said sports? Then welcome to your local sports bar. Check out the north corner of the bar for the elderly band pretending to be rockstars. Yes, it's delusion all around at your local sports bar!
7. Vans
Is there any worse automobile to be stuck behind than a van? At least with a semi-truck you can pass it off as a man doing his job. But a van driver is not working...unless making meth and snatching up children is a job. Just because something takes up your whole day doesn't make it a job.