32. Next

Everyone climb aboard the STD bus! Next was a shitty "game show" on MTV or something. It featured shallow people judging other shallow people in an attempt to find love. Love meaning a 40 second hump in the bus bathroom. NEXT!

31. Trick My Truck

Remember that show where they threw Pimp My Ride at the Jeff Foxworthy crowd? C'mon, you remember! The show where they pretended to steal big rigs from trucks to fix them up and then the trucker would show back up with his trucking lap mic and transmitter! It. Just. Made. Sense.

30. Overdose Of Shampoo

It's a serious problem that effects half of the population. Well... the men that aren't bald that use shampoo. It's a goddamn problem and we need to hold the shampoo companies responsible. We will have our revenge! We must band together! Once we wake up on the tile floor we will merge and unite as one!

29. Magic Tricks

The greatest trick a magician can pull is paying their bills. As well as others. Fuck magic. If you're so good at magic, here's a trick for you. Kill yourself. But make it look like a murder framing someone super famous. If you can pull it off we will consider you an artist. If you fail we are all still better off. It's win-win.

28. Renaissance Festivals

To be fair, there are a lot of super attractive women attending these things. But it would be like if they put a 20 minute, hardcore, gay sex scene in the middle of Toy Story. Sure, it's still a great movie but afterward all you can really think about is that gay sex scene and why it was there to begin with. Is she broken? All indications point to yes. Anyway, avoid renaissance festivals because of all the hardcore gay sex or something. I don't know. The analogies are too mixed up now.

27. The Absence Of Manly Actors

In the words of Paula Cole, 'Where Have All The Cowobys Gone?' Indeed, Paula, indeed. Hell, even if we cast Paula Cole in a movie now she'd be more manly than most of the men currently leading films. In fact, let's get her in Superman gear and get her flying, dammit!

26. Deafening Car Stereos

Want to walk down the streets with a megaphone screaming, "Hey, everybody! I'm a huge asshole!" but also feel like spending a ton of money? Why not pour all of your paychecks into turning your car into a mobile ear-drum rapist? Violate the citizens in style!

25. You! Here Or There In Any Weather Then

Grammar be hard. So hard, yo. And weather nor not your a geneyus or not it is hard to remember witch words two use when righting a post online. This simple and ez to rmbr video will help u to keep them strait. Get out a pen and paper and keep notes. Srsly.

24. Lipstick

Quick! I need to look like an untouchable painting! What do I do? Well, have I got an idea for you. Here, smear this red wax all over your lips so nobody wants to touch you. But don't stop there. Also put on this blue cream around your eyes so people are confused what planet you came from. Just keep going until you're more make-up than person. Enjoy your solitude.

23. Popcorn

What's your favorite treat that comes with a hearty cock center? Why it's popcorn of course! Hate your teeth? Hate flavor? Hate your health? Try popcorn! Now available in a handful of terrible flavors!

22. Graveyards

I don't have a big enough ego to need to be have a small, underground, studio apartment when I'm dead. Just burn my body to ashes like an old, embarrasing Polariod from college. Or not. Just let me rot where I fall. It doesn't matter. I'm dead. So you're probably too busy celebrating to get any body removing done.

21. Nonsense Movie Labels

Want to know what to feel during a movie trailer but can't rely on silly things like the visuals and audio in the trailer? How about if some scary or soothing voiced man tells you EXACTLY what you should be feeling via use of Hollywood buzz words? Get off your tractor and watch their movie already!

20. Movie Trailers

In a world where things only happen to beautiful people and ugly villains, a 30-ish male, model is forced to face a dangerous and secret organization. With the help of his distractingly hot female co-star, can they overcome the bad guy/girl/organization in a short amount of time which can be stretched or condensed depending on what the film needs the time to be? Since it's a movie, they almost certainly can and will. I guess you don't need to watch this movie anymore. Sorry for wasting your time...

19. Ocean Based Movies

The ocean is a big, wet bitch and should be avoided regardless of shark quantity. The ocean is a great way to find a surprise syringe in your child's foot. The ocean makes a terrible setting for films.

18. Fast Food (Rapes America)

This is a very sexual take on fast food. Or is it? I don't know. I guess that depends on your definition of sexy you disgusting, garbage human, you. Regardless, it's the first of many poems on this show.

17. Face Tattoos

Face tattoos are the most effecient way to let everyone else know you're probably not a reliable human being and to just look elsewhere when handing out opportunities. So actually, thank you face-tattooed people for saving us all time and energy.

16. Guys With Long Hair

Well we're in full man-bun mode lately so this felt like perfect timing to release this episode about guys with long hair. Actually it was just the next chapter of the book so deal with it. This episode gives you strict guidelines of when it's okay to be a guy with long hair. Obey all commands within this episode.

15. Bicycles

I envision a bike-free future. A world where the cycles of bi are a thing of the past. A world where our children are free to walk along the sidewalk without fear of hearing someone scream "on your left" as they blow by, grazing their arms and leaving them with a graphic shot of their assholes as they speed off. A world where our drunk drivers fear not of hitting a guy on a bicycle that is riding on the road, obeying none of the traffic laws. A world without Lance Armstrong and all the bullshit baggage that's attached to that sack of shit.

14. Dance Movies

Why is dancing in movies the ONE time the ghetto has unusually high standards? It doesn't make sense. Oh, and also, dancing isn't a job. Nor is it a sport. It's just a thing that's sometimes fun that you can do to pass the time. And sure as shit don't do it on the goddamn sidewalk. It's called a sideWALK not a sideDANCE.