Well it's football season. Or it was. Or it will be. Either way, time for the NFC North fans to paint their guts and start screaming for their terrible teams. This is coming from a Vikings fan, mind you. Do. Not. Paint. Your. Full. Body. For. Football. Or. Any. Other. Reason. Other. Than. To. Trick. Zombies. Into. Thinking. You're. Also. A. Zombie.
11. Cowboy Hats
Fuck cowboy hats. And boots. And music. And life. End it. Or not. I guess it's really not that big of a deal.
10. Casinos
Want to throw your money in the garbage but want to add some flair to it? Then a casino is for you. Go ahead, waste your hard-earned money on that shit.
9. Anime
Anime is boring. Anime is boring. Anime is boring. Except most of Death Note. Other than that, anime is boring. Anime is boring. Anime is colorful flashing boring.
8. Sports Bars
Can't play sports but desperately want to watch sports while drinking away your life remember when you could play said sports? Then welcome to your local sports bar. Check out the north corner of the bar for the elderly band pretending to be rockstars. Yes, it's delusion all around at your local sports bar!
7. Vans
Is there any worse automobile to be stuck behind than a van? At least with a semi-truck you can pass it off as a man doing his job. But a van driver is not working...unless making meth and snatching up children is a job. Just because something takes up your whole day doesn't make it a job.
6. Shitty Poetry
Writing your feelings in poem form is not an art. It's just a shorthand diary at that point. We do not want to read your boring diary. Just learn to be clever about it. Deal? Good.
5. Looking At Loudspeakers
Your alien overlords demand that you stare at speakers when someone is speaking over them. I can't think of another reason everyone stares at them in public. Obviously it's left-over survival instincts to stare at noises to determine if it's a threat or not but you can go ahead and stop looking once you realize it's only a speaker.
4. Horseback Riding
Horseback riding is fun. There is no denying that. Horses throw people off of them. There is no denying that. They do not want you on their spines. Obviously. This should be common knowledge. www.LIWstudios.com
3. Mustaches
For the first official video episode of Things That Will Burn In Hell, Phoenix discusses a sensitive subject to all of you victims out there. That of course is the creepy nature of men with mustaches. Or women with mustaches. Anyone with hair only on their lip. Stop it. Just stop it. For the sake of the children. The children.....
2. The Song "Let It Snow"
Christmas is a sexy time of year according to popular Christmastime tunes. Phoenix West quickly breaks down the song in a new light, as if the song were a plea for someone to just release the snow hostage.
Buy the book this is from here: http://www.loiteringinwonderland.com/store/
- The Song "Let It Snow" 7:31
1. TyP1nG L1k3 Th1$
Welcome to the very first episode of Things That Will Burn In Hell. Based on the book 100 Things That Will Burn In Hell, a book that started off as Myspace articles back in 2006. You read that right... Myspace. To buy a PDF of the book, click here: http://www.loiteringinwonderland.com/store/
Episode 1: TyP1nG L1k3 Th1$ 11:10