Steven Seagal is turning into a South Park caricature of himself. In this direct to DVD movie, Steven plays a lazy sniper with minimal dialogue so that the actor himself doesn't have to do anything. Add in some fake blood and terrible acting and you've got yourself a Loitering In Wonderland movie. Also, to whoever made this movie: learn how to use green screen. It looks worse than the early American't episodes.
65: The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)
Phoenix has seen The Star Wars Holiday Special 20 something times. All within the past week or so. The viewing for this movie was for B-Movie Battle! (formerly Shitty Movie Showdown!) episode IV and because of editing the show, he had to watch and re-watch the 'special' over 20 times. It makes him sick thinking about it. This podcast is an angry letter to whoever is responsible for The Star Wars Holiday Special.
64: Sinister Squad (2016)
The Asylum makes terrible movies in hopes that you'll rent the wrong movie instead of the Hollywood blockbuster with a similar name/poster. Fuck them hard. Phoenix did an internship there for a bit when he was in film school. We've reviewed their movies on this show before (Sharknado 2 & 3) but this one is quite terrible. What's the plot? Good fucking question. Phoenix still doesn't know and he watched the movie then discussed it for 35 minutes. He almost gave up 15 minutes into this but decided to press on. Get past that point in this episode and it gets better.
Episode Jones: Glitter Face Jones.
63: Edward Scissorhands (1990)
It's October so Phoenix watched and reviewed a Halloween-ish movie, Edward Scissorhands which he hadn't seen since about 1994 when The Crow took over his goth needs. He runs down the plot of the movie, doesn't understand why scissors are acceptable replacements for hands, doesn't understand how Edward got 15 foot blocks of ice into his attic when he lived alone and had scissors for hands, he didn't remember that Edward was a robot, doesn't get why Anthony Michael Hall had to do such a complicated plan to get a mattress in his creepy van and then sums up the movie, Johnny Depp and Tim Burton / Bim Turton to end the show.
62: Outcast (2014)
OUR REUNION SHOW! - Finally we have Phoenix, Mario and Brad back in studio for a special reunion show. Brad hasn't been on the show in almost a year to the day so we thought we'd get the band back together. But, it wouldn't be a reunion without going back to our roots. Episode 1 roots. So, in special celebration we watched another Nic Cage movie. This one is titled Outcast. The title pissed Brad off to no end. We aren't really sure what the movie was about other than killing some evil prince or something but we know one thing...it need more Nic Cage.
61: Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! (2015)
In this installment we watched Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! and are now terrified of bad sequels. That was what the point of the movie was right? This episode features Phoenix, Brent, Bri, Philip, Sterling and our new engineer Ernie. Watch this movie and then listen to our review if you hate yourself!
60: Kung Fury (2015)
We watched Kung Fury and now we know there is a god. We need no further proof. This movie is only 30 minutes and it was the perfect amount of time. It's not often that we all enjoy the movie but this is one of those times. Go watch the entire movie on YouTube and then listen to our show!
59: Snitch (2013)
Confusion alert: This episode was recorded 6.12.14. It was originally an episode of The Phoenix West Show back when that was a video movie review show. Now it has been repurposed as LIW episode 59. The reason it has been ignored until almost a year to the day is because the video/audio is out of synch but since it is no longer a video show but instead an audio show, it doesn't really matter. I will post the original video to YouTube if you can bear it being out of synch. I have zero desire to fix it. Deal with it...
58: Puppet Master 9: Axis Of Evil (2010) (MIW10)
UPDATE - Originally this was Midnight In Wonderland video episode. When that show merged with LIW it became LIW episode 58. (Originally aired 9.15.14)
In this installment we learned the true timeline of WW2. Turns out we were all wrong. Puppet Master had it right and now we have to get busy rewriting our history books. Heil history!
57: Puppet Master Vs. Demonic Toys (2004) (MIW9)
UPDATE - Originally this was Midnight In Wonderland video episode. When that show merged with LIW it became LIW episode 57. (Originally aired 9.7.14)
In this installment we barely talk bout the movie we watched. In fact, all we really mention about it is that Corey Feldman is 34 in the movie but is made up to be an old father despite being only about 7 years older than his daughter. He even talks with a fake old man voice. Terrible. Turns out Phoenix had already seen this movie very recently but completely removed it from his memory. We spend the episode talking about recent TV shows (Breaking Bad, The Wire, Weeds and upcoming Gotham). Then we talk about different directors that we love/hate at the same time. We kept forgetting to talk about Puppet Master Vs. Demonic Toys but that's for everyone's benefit.
56: Puppet Master 8: The Legacy (2003) (MIW8)
UPDATE - Originally this was Midnight In Wonderland video episode. When that show merged with LIW it became LIW episode 56. (Originally aired 8.31.14)
In this installment we are forced to revisit the first 7 Puppet Master movies against our will because this movie is a fucking clip-show. Shame on you Charles Band, shame on you. We mostly discuss Josh Hartnett and how we haven't seen him in a while. This movie was a pointless piece of shit that apparently starred the Dos Equis Most Interesting Man In The World dude. Don't waste your time watching this.
55: Puppet Master 7: Retro Puppet Master (1999) (MIW7)
UPDATE - Originally this was Midnight In Wonderland video episode. When that show merged with LIW it became LIW episode 55. (Originally aired 8.24.14)
In this installment, you know what? Fuck it. In the 7th movie they rewrote their own history more times than a drunk grandpa making up war stories. This one made absolutely no sense, from the opening in 1944 to a random event leading to a flashback to 1892 that involves first draft versions of the puppets we know and love, bad guys from first century Egypt that look like the strangers from Dark City but sound like Darth Vader, to a completely foreign cast that couldn't speak in any accent or act at all. Holy shit. I'm so exhausted from writing that sentence that I think I'll start over. In this installment we watched Puppet Master 7 and it was 7 times worse than the first one. I've done the math and it's true. Want proof? Watch it.
54: Puppet Master 6: Curse Of The Puppet Master (1998) (MIW6)
UPDATE - Originally this was Midnight In Wonderland video episode. When that show merged with LIW it became LIW episode 54. (Originally aired 6.22.14)
In this installment, we watched the 6th Puppet Master movie and had a hard time keeping our shit together. This was the most poorly made PM movie yet but it was more enjoyable than all the rest combined. This movie follows Tank, a child-like retard as he becomes a puppet maker, sex machine and eventually the puppet master. This movie was released in 1998 but it appears to have been 1992 pretending to be 1943. It was a confusing shitpile of a movie.
53: Puppet Master 5: The Final Chapter (1994) (MIW5)
UPDATE - Originally this was Midnight In Wonderland video episode. When that show merged with LIW it became LIW episode 53. (Originally aired 8.10.14)
In this installment, Phoenix and Richard realize that you CAN put out the exact same movie with a different title and not be called on your bullshit. We spend most of the time doing Michael Caine impressions and talking about nonsense and about 1/3 of the episode is about the actual movie we watched. Enjoy!
52: Puppet Master 4: The Demon (1993) (MIW4)
UPDATE - Originally this was Midnight In Wonderland video episode. When that show merged with LIW it became LIW episode 52. (Originally 8.3.14)
In this installment we barely watched Puppet Master 4: The Demon. It was terrible. To be honest, most of this episode is just bullshitting about randomness instead of talking about the movie. We had to do this to avoid going insane.
51: Puppet Master III: Toulon's Revenge (1991) (MIW3)
UPDATE - Originally this was Midnight In Wonderland video episode. When that show merged with LIW it became LIW episode 51. (Originally aired 6.7.14)
In this installment we watched part 3 of the nonsensical series, Puppet Master. For the third movie in a row the writers of this series have re-written the history of their only overarching human character; Toulon. This movie is basically what would happen if Anne Frank's story involved more puppets and slightly less Nazi's. Fucking boring movie.
50: Puppet Master II: His Unholy Creation (1991) (MIW2)
UPDATE - Originally this was Midnight In Wonderland video episode. When that show merged with LIW it became LIW episode 49. (Originally aired 4.25.14)
In this installment we continue to the sequel to Puppetmaster. However; things turned dim as we quickly realized the production values and acting talent took a quick swan dive for the sequel. This movie was a baffling mess of murder, rambling and sexual confusion that left us hopeful for part 3. Mostly, we were confused why Darkman was the puppet master in this one. Either that or Chevy Chase as the invisible man. Not really sure what happened in this one but we think it involved real dolls. You know, those dolls that Asian guys pay to have sex with.
49: Puppetmaster (1989) (MIW1)
UPDATE - Originally this was Midnight In Wonderland video episode. When that show merged with LIW it became LIW episode 49. (Originally aired 4.23.14)
We watched Puppetmaster and now we can predict the future of puppetry. It's a dead art, turns out. On this cross-over show (Richard from Midnight With Robert Shaw and Phoenix from Loitering In Wonderland) we go through the Puppetmaster movies one at a time. This is part 1 of 11 before we move on to greener pastures. Meaning another terrible series. Send your suggestions to loiteringinwonderland@gmail.com
48: X-Men: Days Of Future Past (2014)
UPDATE - Originally this was The Phoenix West Show video episode #4. When that show merged with LIW it became LIW episode 48. (Originally aired 9.22.14)
On this episode of The Phoenix West Show, I decided to watch a movie that was recent enough to hold your attention. I watched X-Men: Days Of Future Past. The most confusing title since Speed 2: Cruise Control and Major League: Back To The Minors. It's either one or the other, choose one. Is it the future or the past? We may never know. However, I did watch the movie and surprise, for once I enjoyed it. That didn't stop me from making fun of it. Listen/watch and tell me what you think.
47: The ABC's Of Death (2012)
UPDATE - Originally this was The Phoenix West Show video episode #3. When that show merged with LIW it became LIW episode 47. (Originally aired 3.12.14)
(This is an audio only version of the video show, for video go to youtube.com/liwpodcast) On this episode of The Phoenix West Show, Phoenix breaks down the 2012 movie The ABC's Of Death letter by letter. Awful scene by awful scene. He also curses the name of Ti West because he's a terrible person. Stay tuned for more advances as far as the video/production goes.