36B - Doom Asylum (1988)

Part slasher. Part comedy. Slasher didn't work. Comedy sure as shit didn't work. What worked was...the runtime. It was fairly short. Behold as porn centerfold ladies try to avoid getting viciously murdered by a meat-faced psycho in an asylum that they're all at for absolutely no reason.

36A - Robo Vampire (1988)

Terminator ripoff featuring a robot fighting heroin vampires. Also there is a flying nude witch that wants to marry a gorilla heroin vampire. Yes, this movie is insane.

35B - Dead End Drive-In (1986)

What happens when you mix Mad Max with a plot that doesn't make a lick of sense? Dead End Drive-In. It tried so hard but didn't bother to write a plot that explained the plot.

35A - Dead Dudes In The House (1989)

I have a strange history with this movie that is explained in the BMB! 35 episode so go check that out. I've been burned several times by this 'film'. A movie that wasn't what I expected and I actually respect compared to similar genre films of the decade. It tried something new and failed but at least they tried. Anyway, watch as I do live commentary on this strange movie that couldn't decide on a title.

33 - Surf Nazis Must Die (1987)

A movie in such a slow motion hurry that they forgot to introduce how the hero and villains know each other. Oh, the villains are surfing nazis with the ultimate goal of... surfing more.

31 - Guarding Tess (1994)

The ping-pong balls are back again and they're angrier than ever. This time they force Phoenix into watching possibly the most boring movie in the Cage cannon: Guarding Tess. A movie in which Cage watches an old lady cut newspaper articles out while they slowly whisper out dialogue about nothing. Then with 20 minutes left of the film they decided to throw in a plot.

30 - Megaforce (1982)

FUCKING MEGAFORCE! An action... comedy? Not quite sure on that one but it sure was ambitious. A movie where the main villain is best buds with the main hero and they just hang out in the middle of the movie before getting back to being enemies again. He came.

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29 - Left Behind (2014)

Nic Cage is Left Behind so now we all want to be left behind with him. Or at least Phoenix West does. That is until Cage is a real asshole at the end of this movie screening. It gets weird. Naked and weird.

26 - Face/Off (1997)

A great movie with a stupid, stupid plot. A movie we've covered half a dozen times here at LIW Studios. So much so that Phoenix is actually writing a making a Face/Off audiobook novelization called NyQuil & Cocaine.

24B - Ghost Warrior (1984)

We also had to watch a samurai movie from the greatest decade this earth has witnessed: Ghost Warrior. It nearly put us to sleep and that's really saying something when your only real plot is that an essentially time traveling samurai is rampaging Los Angeles with swords. It didn't live up to the hype.

To watch the Ghost Warrior review from B-Movie Battle! episode 24, click here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfr0x7ljeDc

24A - Attack Of The Killer Donuts (2016)

We got stuck watching Attack Of The Killer Donuts from 2016, the year of our lord. It seemed like soft-core porn but it ended up being a watchable movie that didn't take itself seriously. We have no real opinions about this movie one way or another. It just was. They pointed their camera at stuff and made a movie out of that footage. You did it! To watch the B-Movie Battle! review of this shitty movie, click here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-AnuPMJgkU

20 - National Treasures (2004-2007)

This is the full movie commentary for B-Movie Battle! episode 20 - National Treasure 1 & 2. If you want to watch the review, click here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=It7xVs080hc

Phoenix knew he'd have to suffer through National Treasure so he figured he'd get both of the movies out of the way at the same time. He watches both 1 & 2 at the exact same time and managed to keep track of these intense movies with intricate plots. Do you buy that? They're just Indiana Jones meets Da Vinci Code. Minus all the fun and intrigue of both of those franchises.

19 - The Wicker Man (2006)

This is the full movie commentary from B-Movie Battle! To see the review episode, click here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mALQY9B3YM&index=2&list=PLzB_ChIs4K6iraFlTGM_yAi23kPtGTodm

The Wicker Man is one of the best Cage freakout movies. Do you love seeing women get punched in the goddamn face over and over? This is your movie. Also, learn to like less psychopathic things. Anyway, this is Phoenix watching the entire movie and making fun of it MST3K style.

18 - USS Indianpolis: Men Of Courage (2016)

This is the full movie commentary for USS Indianapolis. For the actual B-Movie Battle! review, click here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lB12m8I_L-0

It's a real Cage match in this film. Sharks vs. Cage. True story. In this movie, Cage is the captain of the titular ship on an ill fated journey back home. But it all ends well for Cage....oh....oh god no. Just watch this. Or, better yet. Watch Phoenix West watch this.

17 - Industrial Symphony No. 1: The Ballad Of The Brokenhearted (1990)

This is the entire movie Industrial Symphony No. 1: The Dream Of The Brokenhearted from 1990 with video commentary from B-Movie Battle! via Nic Cage Cast. To watch the BMB! review episode of Industrial Symphony, click here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QlX4DWSNzsw&t=428s

Industrial Symphony No. 1: The Ballad Of The Brokenhearted is a passion project made by noted human David Lynch. In this, Nic Cage stars in the opening scene before never being seen again. It was a load of shit putting this on his IMDb page. In this production, a lot of ambigious shit happens without any change of nearing an answer. This is mean to make you feel like the piece has a deeper meaning than your understanding can grasp. In reality, it's because David Lynch cannot make coherent pieces on his own. How can you tell if he has fucked up if none of it really adds up? You can't. But he's one thing...human. That's for sure.

10: Death Machines (1976)

This is the entire movie Death Machines from 1976 with video commentary from B-Movie Battle! To watch the BMB! review episode of Death Machines, click here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pPlCNMYi50

Death Machines was about how badass the 70’s were. It featured assassins that may or may not be robots killing people or just shoving them down to the ground. Our hero is a tremendous asshole that leaves his girlfriend at a gas station. His name is Frank Thomas and no… it isn’t the White Sox legend.

16 - Zandalee (1991)

Watch as two white people fuck in every possible location. They call it a movie but it's more like boring art porn. Then Cage covers himself in black paint while screaming like the lunatic he is.

8 - Dark Angel & I Come In Peace (1990)

This is the full movie commentary for both Dark Angel and I Come In Peace.

Things are different this time. Brent watched the 1990 film 'Dark Angel' starring Dolph Lundgren in which an alien comes to America to forcibly deal narcotics. Dolph also attempts to find love with the city's coroner. One problem...she's his ex... Phoenix also watched a movie called "I Come In Peace" from 1990 in which Dolph Lundgren partners up with the guy from Dream On to stop an alien from out space that is bent on giving citizens overdoses of heroin. Dolph also must find a way to break off every plan he makes with his on-again-off-again girlfriend, the coroner of Houston.

Both movies are eerily similar. Phoenix and Brent both provide commentary while recording at different times in different places. To see the full official B-Movie Battle! episode, subscribe to this page!