Part Mad Max part X-Men boring parts. Nic Cage is in this movie whose plot is held together with Scotch tape. Cage is basically an IRS agent if taxes were life and death. A world where the ultimate goal is to win the ultimate prize of getting to live in Canada. Seriously, it's Logan-light.
What's the best way to celebrate the 20th episode of Nic Cage Cast? By watching 7 movies at once. All animated. All Cagemated, that is. Phoenix watches A Christmas Carol, G-Force (semi-animated), The Ant Bully, Astro Boy, The Croods, Spider-Man Into The Spider-verse and Teen Titans Go! To The Movies. It was a headache of a viewing experience and you'll get a glimpse of it in this episode. Which animated movie will win? It's Spider-Man but which one gets second place???
A collection of every SMS! intro/outro video and poster that have been made over the years. SMS! is now dead and buried. Stay tuned till the ending if you care.
What's worse, ego or stealing? There is an answer and the lessons learned along the way are a scar on the soul of cinema. This was a painful episode to record and is for sure the height of anger in BMB!
I learned a lot about myself in this episode. Mostly that I'm a total dick with no friends. I found this out by watching Are You Popular (1947) and The Snob (1958). Sara(h), call me. I will be your... friend.
So many names were butchered in the making of this review. Let's just say it: this movie needed 10 times more Cage. He was barely in this movie and it was a mistake. If you love deafening jazz notes, this is your film.
Watch this movie knowing that the first 20 minutes is possibly the worst bit of cinema released in quite a while. Then the rape. All the rape. But then after that it becomes a decent movie. Also included is a short documentary: Vengeance: A Love Story: Shadows & Reflections.
The kidnappers stopped supplying cigarettes and sugar to a kidnapped Phoenix West. To make it worse they forced him into watching Robo Vampire from 1988. A Robocop ripoff made in Hong Kong featuring vampires that hop like bunnies and are fueled by heroin or something? It was confusing. He also watched 1988's Doom Asylum which was about a killer stalking "teenagers" in an abanonded asylum that they are all at for no reason. Which is worse?
An elderly-ghost-zombie-slasher film versus an Australian post-apocalyptic film where vicious gangs terrorize the land. (It's not Mad Max) It's Dead Dudes In The House from 1989 (Not 1991 like it says in the episode numerous times) VERSUS Dead End Drive-In from 1986. It's a shit-show off hosted by a shit show-off.
The ping pong balls chose Joe and for once didn't fuck me. Then I forgot I watched it and went to review Mandy. Thus was born the first versus of the NCC series. Which will win? Does it even matter?
A movie in such a slow motion hurry that they forgot to introduce how the hero and villains know each other. Oh, the villains are surfing nazis with the ultimate goal of... surfing more.
While recording Loitering In Wonderland episode 75 about Mom And Dad, we talked about the movie for an hour. It was simply too long to release so we took the Cage discussion parts and made it into an BMB! episode. Enjoy your Frankenstein episode of BMB! NCC.
The ping-pong balls are back again and they're angrier than ever. This time they force Phoenix into watching possibly the most boring movie in the Cage cannon: Guarding Tess. A movie in which Cage watches an old lady cut newspaper articles out while they slowly whisper out dialogue about nothing. Then with 20 minutes left of the film they decided to throw in a plot.
FUCKING MEGAFORCE! An action... comedy? Not quite sure on that one but it sure was ambitious. A movie where the main villain is best buds with the main hero and they just hang out in the middle of the movie before getting back to being enemies again. He came.
Another stupid game chose another stupid Nic Cage movie. This time Left Behind was literally in the cards. Phoenix watches the 2014 Christian movie which for some reason stars Nic Cage. Still can't figure that out. Phoenix gets left behind during the screening and some asshole turned off his oxygen. A real jerk.
Neon Maniacs from 1986 promised to be a great creature feature. Instead it didn't explain anything about the creatures and barely featured them. It also features characters that don't appear to have the desire to stay alive. The only question that is answered today is; is this more painful than reigning champion Death Machines???
This is before the switch to B-Movie Battle! So it's officially outdated as hell. Enjoy anyway.
A string of SMS! clips to serve as a trailer for Shitty Movie Showdown! It's a movie review show consisting of live movie commentary, round-table discussions, sketches and editing the movies into the plot of the show. SMS! also features Nic Cage Cast in which Phoenix West breaks down every Nic Cage film one at a time and government shorts with live commentary. It's a strange show.
Imagine a world where your parents actively want to kill you instead of just ignore you emotionally or physically. This is the reality in the 2017 Nic Cage movie Mom And Dad. An hour and a half that serves as an extended trailer for a movie you want to watch after you finish watching it.
This review is too long for you. Don't bother. I'm aware. And this is only part 1. Part 2 is under Loitering In Wonderland Movie Review episode 73. If you can watch 2 45 minute reviews on Face/Off then welcome. Pull up a chair and help me figure this movie out. Not sure what the hell happened when I was forced into watching the Nic Cage classic Face/Off from 1997. I started watching it in March and then the next thing I knew I was back and it was June. Watch the footage and help me piece it together.
Phoenix West is back and forced to watch 2 terrible government shorts. In this episode he will learn How To Keep A Job (1949) and a little something about Social Class In America (1957) which ended up being far less racist than he thought it would be.