Oh, Jack Laird, never change. The master of the drawn out one-liner Night Gallery shorts. The ruiner of all things. He’s Dracula. Get it? Do you get it?
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23: Big Surprise (208C)
The big surprise that you can guess from the moment a surprise is even talked about. Yes, Night Gallery sure is a classic show that deserves our praise.
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22: She'll Be Company For You (310)
Cats are assholes. What else do you really need to know? Something about a dead wife.
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21: The Ghost Of Sorworth Place (217B)
Remember that scene in Ghostbusters where Ray gets a ghost blowjob? Yeah, imagine that but a drama.
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20: The Waiting Room (218A)
This script must have been 8 pages of obvious.
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19: The Girl With The Hungry Eyes (302)
Women equal bad. Men are not to blame for how they handle their obsessions. It’s all the women-folk’s fault.
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18: Clean Kills And Other Trophies (104B)
Night Gallery episodes don’t have full stories. They are just ideas that are never fleshed out and thrown on the screen. Try to enjoy. Somehow a ton of you do. I’ll never understand it. A man abuses his child with….making him hunt something. That deserves a death sentence.
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17: The Devil Is Not Mocked (206B)
Perhaps the best Night Gallery yet? It was only 11 minutes. This does not speak well for the show. Anyway it’s vampires vs. nazis. Enjoy that semi-premise.
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16: Hatred Unto Death (315A)
WHAT IS THIS??? Why is this show so awful? Who is it for? Why must we be tortured so? A gorilla does nothing until a man attacks him. Or something like that. The point is: gorilla > man.
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15: Stop Killing Me (219B)
Sometimes it takes 13 minutes to get to a punchline. If so your joke set-up better be awesome with lots of twists and turns and weird shit. Not just a woman freaking out to an uninterested man.
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14: The Housekeeper (101B)
Mrs. Doubtfire is called old and ugly but then a frog makes her young. It’s a classic fairy tale done in typical Night Gallery fashion. Which means it’s boring and overly long. Plus, she ends up greedy like everyone else.
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13: The Caterpillar (222A)
You are supposed to remember this episode as one of the greats. It has a good premise but it’s way too long and has two endings.
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12: Cool Air (212A)
H.P. Lovecraft has let me down 100% of the time. A woman (for some reason) ignores a thousand red flags while falling in love with a Spanish dude. Wait, that previous sentence wasn’t meant to sound racist. He isn’t giving out red flags because he’s Spanish. He just happens to be Spanish in this story and appears to be a red flag salesman. Wait, that previous sentence wasn’t meant to disparage salesmen…. You know what? Fuck it. It’s just a bad episode about a melting man.
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11: Brenda (207B)
I don’t even know what this is. It’s just…. strange. And pointless. Mostly pointless.
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10: Keep In Touch - We'll Think Of Something (210B)
Is this even a story? It’s more a slightly amusing anecdote. And barely that. Still better than the previous episode about a mermaid.
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9: Lindemann's Catch (216A)
So did he fuck the mermaid? I mean…. it seemed like he did. And that was before it had lady genitals. It was just a fish. Who else watched this looking to see if they slipped some nudity in?
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8: Dead Weight (219C)
There is a special level of hell for Jack Laird. Although this is his best outing so far. This is only 7 minutes and still managed to waste your time.
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7: Pickman's Model (211A)
Snooze. We hate painting episodes. We hate them on all our shows.
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6: Lone Survivor (105B)
In case you missed #TheTwilightZone episodes Judgment Night, No Time Like The Past and Death Ship, here is an episode of Rod Serling’s next show to see the same thing. Only this time it’s way more colorful.
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5: A Midnight Visit To The Neighborhood Blood Bank (209B)
If Jack Laird wasn’t dead we would do something about it. But he is so here we are watching his mistakes. Fatula and a minor do a “comedy” sketch.
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