In a world where things only happen to beautiful people and ugly villains, a 30-ish male, model is forced to face a dangerous and secret organization. With the help of his distractingly hot female co-star, can they overcome the bad guy/girl/organization in a short amount of time which can be stretched or condensed depending on what the film needs the time to be? Since it's a movie, they almost certainly can and will. I guess you don't need to watch this movie anymore. Sorry for wasting your time...
499 - Things That Will Burn In Hell - 19 - Ocean Based Movies
The ocean is a big, wet bitch and should be avoided regardless of shark quantity. The ocean is a great way to find a surprise syringe in your child's foot. The ocean makes a terrible setting for films.
498 - Things That Will Burn In Hell - 18 - Fast Food (Rapes America)
This is a very sexual take on fast food. Or is it? I don't know. I guess that depends on your definition of sexy you disgusting, garbage human, you. Regardless, it's the first of many poems on this show.
497 - Things That Will Burn In Hell - 17 - Face Tattoos
Face tattoos are the most effecient way to let everyone else know you're probably not a reliable human being and to just look elsewhere when handing out opportunities. So actually, thank you face-tattooed people for saving us all time and energy.
496 - Things That Will Burn In Hell - 16 - Guys With Long Hair
Well we're in full man-bun mode lately so this felt like perfect timing to release this episode about guys with long hair. Actually it was just the next chapter of the book so deal with it. This episode gives you strict guidelines of when it's okay to be a guy with long hair. Obey all commands within this episode.
491 - B-Movie Battle! 23 - Government Shorts 2
Phoenix is forced again to watch and provide live commentary for 2 more government short films from 1951. First is Improve Your Personality, immediately followed by Self Conscious Guy. What will he learn this time around? Probably nothing.
495 - The Podcasts Podcast - 11 - Podcast Homework For Episode 12
It's Frank's turn to pick podcasts. We were both letdown by how exciting the police podcasts seemed they would be and how boring they ended up being so Frank decided to push his luck for the opposite to be true by picking a very boring topic for next week: Civil War Podcasts. www.LIWstudios.com Here is the crop for episode 12:
The Civil War (1861-1865): A History Podcast 217 - IUKA 11.27.17 https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/217-iuka/id579999452?i=1000395293619&mt=2
Civil War Chronicles You Are There Lee And Grant At Appomattox 10.5.16 https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/you-are-there-battle-of-gettysburg/id299796299?i=1000376140966&mt=2
Civil War Talk Radio with Gerald Prokopowiez Civil War Talk Radio December 6th 2017 12.6.17 https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/civil-war-talk-radio-december-6th-2017/id1159962944?i=1000396610994&mt=2
494 - The Podcasts Podcast - 10 - Police Podcasts
Phoenix and Frank signed up for police podcasts but instead got financial advice, learned that women are inferior and detected a cokehead on a show. Now they're ready to hit the streets as dirty cops. The shows they listened to this week are:
The Police Podcast - Motorcop Returns https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/motorcop-returns/id959303942?i=1000371470897&mt=2
Police Academy Podcast - Should Women Be Police Officers? https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/should-women-be-police-officers/id1105181630?i=1000390950894&mt=2
Squad Room - Ep 50: I Was a Dirty Cop with Former LAPS Officer Ruben Palomares https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-50-i-was-dirty-cop-former-lapd-officer-ruben-palomares/id995536948?i=1000381185310&mt=2
493 - LIW The Twilight Zone Review - 74 - The Shelter (TZ 303)
The best way to survive a nuclear attack is to have a flimsy door and pieces of shit for neighbors. That shelter wouldn't have survived a thunderstorm let alone an atomic blast. This is a great freakout episode of The Twilight Zone, so gather up your children, watch it with them and then head over to your neighbors and begin tearing the place apart with the kind of great decision making skills that only a scared mob can make.
492 - LIW The Twilight Zone Review - 73 - The Arrival (TZ 302)
Frank loved this episode because it featured a plane. Phoenix loved this episode because if featured an insane person. There is something for everyone in The Arrival. No, not the Charlie Sheen movie. Not the Amy Adams movie. The Twilight Zone episode about a suicidal plane detective and his Buffalo plane.
489 - B-Movie Battle! 21 - Government Shorts
Phoenix is still held captive and moved into a new room before being subjected to 2 terrible 40's/50's government shorts about morals. Will he become a moral man? He's locked in a room alone, what do you think? Both shorts are presented at full length with Phoenix's commentary alongside. During his review he is rudely interrupted by the doorbell. Who could it be?
Shorts included: 1949 - Act Your Age (Emotional Maturity) 1951 - How To Say No (Moral Maturity)
490 - B-Movie Battle! 22 - Nic Cage Cast 11 - Con Air (1997)
Someone delivers some packages for Phoenix. Creepy packages with vague threats. Does he listen? What do you think? He takes to the sky aboard Con Airlines along with the 20 celebrities on board. Phoenix "The Penis" West riffs his way through this overly long action movie starring a bored and buff Nic Cage.
686 - LIW+ 20 - Full Movie Commentary 22 - Con Air (1997)
Phoenix West watches the classic and classy Nic Cage movie Con Air from 1997 in which Cage plays a greasy southerner serving 7 years in prison for defending his life. It's just insane. To watch the review from B-Movie Battle! 22 - Nic Cage Cast 11. Click here:
488 - LIW The Twilight Zone Review - 72 - The Simi Valley Acorn Is Written In The Twilight Zone
During The Mighty Casey Redux episode, Frank read from the least professional newspaper in existence: The Simi Valley Acorn. Phoenix then suggested they make it a regular segment. Obviously that isn't going to happen so here is the next best thing; Phoenix reads 5 articles from what is basically a real life version of The Onion. He speaks at a breakneck pace so that makes the actual reading difficult to do. Plus... he did it completely sober which is an unusual departure from the usual TZ review. Truly, The Simi Valley Acorn resides deep inside The Twilight Zone.
487 - LIW The Twilight Zone Review - 71 - Two (TZ 301)
Two stars two people in a two dimensional story about two people looking for two love. Lisp joke. I guess so. Anyway, we barely discussed the episode but instead did everything we could to sound like horrible people. We should learn our lesson in The Twilight Zone. We also talked about how this years New Years TZ marathon was a bit of a random letdown.
486 - LIW The Twilight Zone Review - 70 - The Mighty Casey Redux (TZ 135)
In the first of our redux series, Frank joins Phoenix to discuss one of the most boring baseball stories ever put to film. A robot playing baseball is somehow made boring in this tale of the Hoboken Zephryrs, who sit 20 games behind 4th place even during spring training. It just doesn't add up. We also discuss how The Mighty Casey was so mighty that he just had to mow down 2 people with a handgun at a bar in 2004. Yes, true story.
685B - LIW+ 19 - Full Movie Commentary 20 - National Treasures (2004) (2007)
This is the full movie commentary for B-Movie Battle! episode 20 - National Treasure 1 & 2. If you want to watch the review, click here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=It7xVs080hc
Phoenix knew he'd have to suffer through National Treasure so he figured he'd get both of the movies out of the way at the same time. He watches both 1 & 2 at the exact same time and managed to keep track of these intense movies with intricate plots. Do you buy that? They're just Indiana Jones meets Da Vinci Code. Minus all the fun and intrigue of both of those franchises.
685A - LIW+ 19 - Full Movie Commentary 20 - National Treasures (2004) (2007)
This is the full movie commentary for B-Movie Battle! episode 20 - National Treasure 1 & 2. If you want to watch the review, click here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=It7xVs080hc
Phoenix knew he'd have to suffer through National Treasure so he figured he'd get both of the movies out of the way at the same time. He watches both 1 & 2 at the exact same time and managed to keep track of these intense movies with intricate plots. Do you buy that? They're just Indiana Jones meets Da Vinci Code. Minus all the fun and intrigue of both of those franchises.
684 - LIW+ 18 - Full Movie Commentary 19 - The Wicker Man (2006)
This is the full movie commentary from B-Movie Battle! To see the review episode, click here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mALQY9B3YM&index=2&list=PLzB_ChIs4K6iraFlTGM_yAi23kPtGTodm
The Wicker Man is one of the best Cage freakout movies. Do you love seeing women get punched in the goddamn face over and over? This is your movie. Also, learn to like less psychopathic things. Anyway, this is Phoenix watching the entire movie and making fun of it MST3K style.
683A - LIW+ 17 - Full Movie Commentary 18 - USS Indianapolis (2016)
This is the full movie commentary for USS Indianapolis. For the actual B-Movie Battle! review, click here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lB12m8I_L-0
It's a real Cage match in this film. Sharks vs. Cage. True story. In this movie, Cage is the captain of the titular ship on an ill fated journey back home. But it all ends well for Cage....oh....oh god no. Just watch this. Or, better yet. Watch Phoenix West watch this.