TMZzzzzzzzzzzzz. This was an angry episode.
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Space...the boring frontier. These are the rantings of a star movie hating lunatic. Or they're okay. Either way.
This episode just happens to land exacly one week after the real Christmas and it's driving me insane that if I started this series a week earlier it would have been the official Christmas episode. Fuck it though. I mean... yeah, fuck it.
If your mouth is stapled to the inside of your goddamn mouth and you don't have lips then deaf people can't lip read you. I call bullshit. The only thing they teach on this street is how to skip school to hang out with trash monsters and cookie junkies.
Steven Seagal ruined it for everyone. EVERYONE. Blame him for my aggression. Also, stop putting rappers in your films unless the film is about rapping. Because obviously.
Don't you dare think of another web-based comedy series when you're watching this you cheating asshole!
Like a mobile Chuck-E-Cheese ball pit. If you're trying to replicate the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man you're doing a swell job.
I like pink. Pink likes me. But nobody likes to listen to Pink. Even Pink hates Pink but loves pink. Pink's pink is barely pink even when decorated in pink. I don't know anymore.
Stay the fuck off us. I'm not here to be your enjoyment.
Must lose weight before this fast food poetry series makes me a fool. Yet again, a sexual poem about fast food served up with extra pickles (1) in only the way Things That Will Burn In Hell can.
Back again for more hot bumper sticker talk. Not sure why I didn't just make this all one chapter in the book but that's 2006 Phoenix for you. I can't explain that guy. I still hate bumper stickers though. Some things never change.
Part 1 of 2 on those sticky bastards made to advertise your shitty beliefs on your car bumper. This is the exact place to post your opinions to gain respect. Just makes sense.
Ten simple rules for fixing this sport. "But it's perfect the way it is." Just use your imagination and you'll see you're wrong.
This episode started off as a rant about not being able to say the phrase 'god dammit' but ended up being a rageful rant about my goddamn phone and its nonstop goddamn ringing and beeping while I was trying to record. What you are about to watch is real. The people in it are real. The names have not been changed to protect the goddamn innocent.
Can we just stop doing this? Just say nothing instead. It's better than the weather or your stupid fucking kids that nobody likes.
We already covered limp handshakes so now let's discuss the eleveated aerial vertical near-handshakes. AKA high-fives. Also I talk about Pauly Shore but it's all in good fun. It's because I hate fun.
I feel like M. Night's career is one big performance like Andy Kauffman. Only nobody is laughing. Except his bank account. Either way, fuck all but 2 of his movies.
Dad hit/yelled/touched me so now I have to speed drink at bars while yelling at others for not misery drinking like I do. Thank you to all the shitty fathers out there for creating these people.