The Clark family is back and ready for more zombie killing family fun! This episode was such a letdown for a season premiere. Seriously. Who loves bottle episodes? Just sad TV watching alcoholics? That can't be true because Phoenix didn't really care for this episode. He was even admittedly drunk during this review. There is an easter egg in this one. Find it and enjoy if you can.
84: The Walking Dead - 716 - The First Day Of The Rest Of Your Life
It's over! It's finally over! What percentage of the plotlines were resolved in this season finale? 9%? Maybe. Here's an honest question, wouldn't the Sasha flashback scenes with Abraham mean more to you if they did it with Maggie and Glenn instead? Especially considering the entire ending was Maggie talking about Glenn's sacrifices. Just a thought. Anyway, I'll see you next season. I'll be the guy describing the boring plot into a microphone.
83: The Walking Dead - 715 - Something They Need
This episode did the cross-cutting style of writing-editing correctly. The rest of the season did not. The problem is that this episode should have happened 7 episodes ago. It is simply too late for any of this to feel like the second to last episode of the season. Negan is in it... so there's that. He has 1 scene with 3 minutes of screen time. I guess that will have to do... I'll take what I can get at this point.
82: The Walking Dead - 714 - The Other Side
Sasha and Rosita get their own comedy spin-off episode! Or something like that. You know how Negan is the main villain that the entire plot is currently revolving around? Right? Right. Let's show that character for 8 1/2 silent seconds. Literally not one word of audible dialogue. That's a great way to build up hatred for your important villain. He's so evil!....probably. Who here would watch an all-Negan spin-off if they made it? I know I would. (AMC...send me a check now.)
81: The Walking Dead - 713 - Bury Me Here
This episode is strange. Impressions galore. Bad ones of course. The Walking Dead is in a bad state when Morgan and The Kingdom breathe life into the show. No CGI deer in this episode but there is a CGI animal still. No, not the lion, but the terrible actress that talks to Ezekiel about plants. She isn't real.
80: The Walking Dead - 712 - Say Yes
This episode isn't worth writing anything of value here. So intead I'll use this space to recommend good recent small movies. It Follows. Green Room. Creep. I Don't Feel At Home In This World Anymore. Filth. Charlie Countryman. Dom Hemingway. Krisha. The Good Neighbor. I Am Not A Serial Killer. Don't Breathe. The End of The Tour. Swiss Army Man. Horns. Cop Car. What We Do In The Shadows. The Trust.
79: The Walking Dead - 711 - Hostiles And Calamities
Finally! We got an all Eugene episode! He's everyone's favorite character, right? Right? Right! Well you're watching him anyway. This episode did not need to happen. At all. The Dwight stuff was good but the rest is just unnecessary.
78: The Walking Dead - 710 - New Best Friends
Fuck this fucking episode. This is by far the angriest episode of LIW The Walking Dead Review. Phoenix is DONE caring about what happens on The Walking Dead. Fucking done. It's officially just a video game passed off as a TV show. Rick fights a Silent Hill zombie in a pile of trash. He then piles trash on it and kills it with a rock. The audience is that zombie, the episodes are the trash and the obviousness in the show is the rock. Figure it out. Done... just done with it.
77: The Walking Dead - 709 - Rock In The Road
In this episode, Phoenix tells a story that Rick tells that his mom told him about a rock in a road and how it helps poor people. Or something like that, Phoenix improvises a story that is way better than Rick's. Anyway, this episode is decent but involves more video game sequences so beware.
76: The Walking Dead - 708 - Hearts Still Beating
The mid-season-finale-of-season-seven-of-the-walking-dead is finally here! Could that title get any longer? Anyway, Negan guts a person during a casual game of pool and then is mad that his game was interrupted. This season is going EXACTLY how Phoenix predicted it would in our 'season 7 predictions' episode. Seriously, exactly. This show is so goddamn predictable.
75: The Walking Dead - 707 - Sing Me A Song
Carl learns a thing or two about love and life from Negan in this after school special from the makers of The Walking Dead. I understand that Negan has a lot of wives but why does he keep them in a back office that looks like a brothel? He's the only one that can touch them so why make it look like they're for sale? I don't get it. Oh, Rick and Aaron find a video game level with treasure on it.
74: The Walking Dead - 706 - Swear
It's been over two months but Phoenix is back to talk about The Wandering Dead. This is the throwaway Tara episode that you've all been demanding. Remember her? The 100% not pregnant lady from last season? She's back and less pregnant than ever.
73: The Walking Dead - 705 - Go Getters
In this episode, Phoenix talks about how stupid it is to travel with roller skates in this world. Seriously, it's impossibly stupid. This is AFTER Carl ruined a car to kill a single non-threatening zombie. Roller skates still ranks higher as a bad decision. Anyway, it's all about Hilltop as Jesus and Greggory have multiple discussions on whether or not Maggie and Sasha should stay or not. Then they have a couple more discussions on the subject before Greggory is casually overthrown as leader.
72: The Walking Dead - 704 - Service
Phoenix has sexually confusing thoughts about Negan in this episode. It gets weird and confusing. The plot of this episode of TWD is really simple but still awesome due to Negan and Rick's back and forth. Phoenix gets weirded out thinking about Negan being alone in Alexandria without Rick or anyone else around. Isn't it weird to think of Negan being alone? Just hanging out without anyone to intimidate. Maybe just wearing some loose fitting shorts. Maybe a glass of wine. Maybe he's putting on some music and you know what? This episode is about missing guns. That's about it. Olivia should be grateful that Rick cares so much about her dumbass. Phoenix then predicts how the rest of the season will run out despite his wishes for better editing/writing.
71: The Walking Dead - 106 - TS-19
It's everyone's favorite rest stop, the CDC! In this pointless visit, our main characters shower, drink wine, watch videos of brains, chat with a depressing scientist and then escape from the evil clutches of said depressing scientist. All in the hopes of finding a farm to lie low for an entire season. Seriously, the whole Shane vs. Rick thing is the ONLY thing to look forward to for a long stretch of TWD. Help me. Help us all. But don't help Jacqui. She doesn't deserve it.
70: The Walking Dead - 105 - Wildfire
Morales wasn't killed in 104 because he's totally alive in this one. I apologize. I don't see race during zombie outbreaks. I'm not Merle. In this one, we see Shane want to kill Rick in probably the most intense scene of seasons 1-5 combined. Not until Negan shows up is there such intensity. Maybe the bathtub murders later on but that's a maybe. Anyway, Phoenix stays mostly on topic in this one.
69: The Walking Dead - 104 - Vatos
Latinos aren't all bad guys, guys! That's good news. Because we all assumed they were, right? But nope. This episode says otherwise. Phoenix goes off topic for a while to rant about the differences/similarities between marijuana smokers and beer drinkers and their weird subcultures. He also talks about the grandma in this episode and her total lack of situational awareness.
68: The Walking Dead - 103 - Tell It To The Frogs
This episode goes really off topic in a great way. It mostly focuses on wondering why Shane and Rick, knowing that the world is completely ruined and pure chaos, would proceed to blow loads up in Lori. It's a dangerous game to play that obviously can only result in an 8 pound burden. Stupid. Anyway, they fish/hunt frogs in this episode and that's where the title comes from. We meet Daryl and he's just awful at first.
67: The Walking Dead - 102 - Guts
Why do zombies have such good smelling abilities. Why can they smell at all? Smelling requires oxygen which they can't produce. Climbing fences requires strength with requires muscles which require fresh blood with oxygen in them. They can't climb fences. Nothing about zombies makes sense. It's all bullshit. But zombies are cool so here we are. In this one, Shane makes the right decision for once. We meet a racist and a guy named Morales that Phoenix completely forgot existed because he simply walks away from the group early on. Enjoy.
66: The Walking Dead - 101 - Days Gone Bye
I got too bored waiting a whole week for an episode of The Walking Dead so I went back and watched season 1. Eventually I'll get through every episode. This was recorded at 1 am after a few beers so it's a little long. I'll record the rest of the season 1 episodes in the morning after plenty of coffee to speed things up.